Some Jokes
by Michael B. Druxman on 07/18/11
July 19, 2011
Jewish Marriage advice "Don't marry a beautiful person. They may leave you.
Of course, an ugly person may leave you too. But who cares?"
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Morris went to his rabbi for some needed advice. "Rabbi, tell me is it proper for one man to profit from another man's mistakes?"
"No Morris, a man should not profit from another man's mistakes," answered the rabbi.
"Are you sure Rabbi?"
"Of course I'm sure, in fact I'm positive" exclaimed the Rabbi.
"Okay, Rabbi, if you are so sure, how about returning the two hundred dollars I gave you for marrying me to my wife?"
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The Italian says, "I'm tired and thirsty. I must have wine."
The Frenchman says, "I'm tired and thirsty. I must have cognac."
The Russian says, "I'm tired and thirsty. I must have vodka."
The German says, "I'm tired and thirsty. I must have beer."
The Mexican says, "I'm tired and thirsty. I must have tequila."
The Jew says, "I'm tired and thirsty. I must have diabetes."
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Jewish proverb: "A Jewish wife will forgive and forget, but she'll never forget what she forgave."
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A Jewish congregation in suburban Boston honors its Rabbi for 25 years of service by sending him to Hawaii for a week, all expenses paid. When he walks into his hotel room, he finds a beautiful nude woman lying on the bed.
She greets the Rabbi with, "Hi, Rabbi, I'm a little something extra that the President of the Temple arranged for you."
The Rabbi is incensed. He picks up the phone, calls the President of the Temple and shouts, "Greenblatt, what were you thinking? Where is your respect? I am the moral leader of our religious community! I am very angry with you and you have not heard the end of this."
Hearing this, the naked woman gets up and starts to get dressed.
The Rabbi turns to her and asks, "Where are you going? I'm not angry with you."
You have a creative day.
Michael
